It's been over two years since I had my last tattoo and I've been longing for another. Every year since I was 21, ironically on my birthday or pretty close I found myself sitting in my artists shop talking to him of another design or touch up. I have a goal I would like to accomplish with my tattoos, I think they are personal marks in life and in my life I will tell you how my journey began and each mark since then. When I was 21 my first tattoo was pretty much like everyone's first not really what you wanted but just the excitement of having one was cool. It says "Goddess" and underneath the about the two kanji characters for goddess. During that time I was known as a "goddess" at work because I knew my job like the back of my hand and everyone came to me for the info, I worked in insurance and maintained manuals and underwrote for 27 lines of business. My biggest mistake on this tattoo was capitalizing the "G" and probably let alone getting the mark at all...but you live and you learn right?

The next one was much more thought out and had meaning behind it...I was born under the "year of the snake" so I got a "tramp stamp" of my "year of the snake" sign and two snakes surrounding the symbol...this was at a point in my life were I felt like I needed to connect with my inner self and focus on me and stop giving an overextending myself. Next came my name in kanji meaning "valuable silk gem" {loosely translated} alongside a brush of a geisha girl. In the same sitting I also added "The Art of War" saying. Both tattoos can be viewed on Transname.com, when I sent in my pictures they sent me an email saying my photos were one of the best reproductions of their artwork they had seen. I am very proud of that.

The next stage came when my son's father and I parted ways, on my inside left wrist I have kanji writing "samsara" meaning "the eternal cycle of birth, suffering, death, and rebirth" and on my inside right wrist "wu wei" meaning "unfearing". I was ready to grow and move on and end something that was never good for me in the first place.

My last tattoo before my two year hiatus was and is the most meaningful of them all...the representation of the birth of my son. On my shoulder I have his astrological sign with a sun surrounding it meaning "he will always be the light of my life".

I still have many more ideas but the time has to be right to complete them and in my 30th year it goes without saying this year will leave a mark.

Charming Hottie Adeptly Rendering Matchless Affection and Intense Naughty Embraces, thanks to Michele for this.

 Last night I had an epiphany...I don't know why but I just had one, I woke up with the feeling I had lost everything, I was somber at work because of it, sometimes I feel like I walk this walk alone...emotionally and that there is no one there to hear my late night cries or can see inside I'm cracking and it sucks. Over the years I've learned to take hurdles one step at a time, don't be to hasty in making decisions and sometimes the best things said are nothing at all. R and I had what I considered a breakthrough conversation about a month back and well it was something that helped me realize that I do handle things well...I ride that wave and dig inside myself and pull out the strength I have a keep going. People sometimes think they know what is best for you and well sometimes they don't. I try not to impose what choices I think would work best for someone because I would hate for someone to do it to me. Eventually people learn from their mistakes...I can only teach myself and help mold my son to be the best that you can be and to never let anyone tell you how to life your life.

You need to get outside and reconnect with nature in some way. Hiking or gardening would be perfect, but it can be anything that feels right and doesn't require hours of abstract analysis to complete.

The horoscope has been right on lately...I repotted a plant and it was just a good feeling to touch the dirt, feel the sunshine and mold my new little plants ways...always remember it's really about the simple things.

Have you ever been at that place? Where you doubt your abilities? Maybe I'm the only one....right now I'm feeling that way like I can't accomplish something, where people are counting on me to fail. The irony about this is that I confided in someone and asked her true opinion off the record. I did that because I trusted her judgement, she told me she had confidence in me and told one of our higher ups the same thing as I move into a new position later this week. I'm very smart and knowledgeable to do the job however I am assuming that a female presence in a mostly male dominated area is the problem. I know I can do well and I will...I just loathe when self-doubt hits you like a ton of bricks...wears you down, you know? Today was just one of the worst days I've had a work, I have to constantly stand my ground with a particular individual and that is all I will say...for some this is a job and others it's like world domination (in their own mind, of course). This picture was taken after I had a rigorous well needed workout, I felt revived and refreshed and all of the drama that played out today melted away (along with the insane sweating I did)...I feel much better than I did when I got home. Tomorrow is another day I won't let anything that happened to me matter because those people and incidents are a miniscule part of my life. If I invade my life and carry it inside of my I'll never be able to focus on the things I need to focus on, c'est la vie.

I was browsing around on Discovery Health and saw a quiz on seeing if you are a Type "A" or Type "B" personality...well of course I'm a Type A.  I have never done anything like that {you know take a personality quiz] and was sort of appalled when I saw the results:

You seem to have a Type A personality. Type A personality is characterized by an exaggerated sense of time urgency, competitiveness, anger and hostility. People who share certain characteristics with you are often concerned with the acquisition of objects and generally dissatisfied with the world, including oneself. You don't know how and when to relax. People probably get tense around you, and they tend to feel threatened in your presence. Continuous stress and allowing unexpressed feelings to pile up are not good for your health. You should start learning how to relax, to let go, and enjoy life. Work on your communication skills. Try to take it easy and be lazy sometimes. It might be hard and it would take some effort, but you certainly know how to pick up a challenge.

Yeah that's just swell...I scored 96 out of 100. When I start feeling down I start searching for things like this to validate how I'm feeling but this was actually true...the quiz was so nice saying "I seem to have a Type A personality" that was sort of refreshing, however I see these faults and well it is what it is...why am I not a Type B?